I Loved You First!

(First published in August, 2007)

Lacy and I have a little "thing" going.  She, being a very affectionate daughter, often throws her arms around me and says, "Oooo, I love you, Mommy!" Lately this has been happening with increased frequency and I finally told her, "You never give me the chance to be first to say, 'I love you.'" So, not wanting to be outdone, the next time she sneaked up behind me, threw her arms around me and said, "I love you," I responded, "Yes, but I loved you FIRST!"

And it's true. I did love her first. Long before she even knew she needed a mommy, I loved her. When we began gathering the mounds of adoption paperwork, I loved her. When all I had was a tiny, postage stamp-sized photo, I loved her. Reading about her from the smallest scrap of information, I loved her. A tiny baby, thousands of miles away in a Chinese orphanage, doing nothing on her own to deserve my love, and yet I loved her. I loved her first.

That is the way it is with God's love for us. We have done nothing to deserve His love. And yet, in His mercy and grace, while we were still sinners, He loved us first.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person-though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-9

I am so thankful that she loves me. I'm in awe of God's kindness in allowing me to experience her love. Twelve years ago tomorrow, I watched her daddy board a plane bound for China, to bring home the baby I loved so much.

Happy Adoption Day, Lacy.


 I loved you first!

Love,
Mom

We Made a Wish and You Came True!

September 2, 1990
Oh, baby! She was a keeper!

Labor Day Weekend 1990 was one we fondly remember. After two healthy little boys, we absolutely couldn't believe our new baby was a precious little girl. We cried tears of joy!

At the time, it seemed as if the years stretched out farther than our hearts and minds could imagine--a long, beautiful, winding road with no end in sight. Little could we fathom how quickly these years would pass, like sand slipping through our fingers. Abby, you've been everything we hoped a daughter would be--happy, healthy, and oh, so sweet.


You prayed for a sister...

...and God answered...

...three times over! Thank you for so willingly sharing your princess status in our home. You are a princess, Abby. Always remember that you are a daughter of The King.

God bless you as you follow His call on your life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, baby girl!
Thank you for 18 wonderful years.
May this be your best year yet!

Love,
Mom and Dad

Five Years Ago Today

It began as a day much like this one. The skies were blue and the air was crisp. It was a lazy day, with nothing in particular on the agenda, other than the usual household tasks. Little did we realize that morning what a turn our lives were about to take.

Around noon, I checked the mail. I noticed a letter from Christian World Adoption, the agency which had helped us more than seven years before to adopt Lacy, our precious baby girl from China. Coming into the house, I quickly opened it. It had been a while since we had correspondence from them. I was always interested to read about news from the adoption community.

Our lives had settled into a nice routine over the past seven years. Brad and Ryan were in high school, Brad a senior, soon to graduate. All four children were happy and healthy. What more could we want?

And yet...

And yet, out of the letter from CWA that day toppled a flyer with the photographs and short biographical sketches of 20 children from China that the agency was trying to place into loving homes. I was unprepared for the emotional reaction I would have to those photographs. All the boys and girls had special needs. Some of the needs were more serious than others, but most were relatively minor. Many of the children were a little older, between two and four years old.

Abby stood over my shoulder that day and we read all the brief descriptions. One of the little girls just had the most longing look in her eyes. We kept coming back to her. Her name was Fu Long Zhu and she was four years old, a tiny little thing with her hair cropped short, just like a boy. A darling little face. And such a soulful expression.

A few lines from her bio grabbed my heart-- She was a bit shy. She loved to sing. She wasn't picky about food. And she was eager for a family to love her.

"We could love her, Mommy! Do you think Daddy would even consider adopting her?"

I just didn't know. It takes a lot of money up front to complete an international adoption. I suppose 'lot' is a relative term. The agency fees, in-country fees, and travel expenses together cost less than a new car, and most people don't think twice about those. But the part I dreaded the most was the paper work, the mounds of documents, signatures, and seals that are required by the two governments. I did it once and I was pretty sure I couldn't do it again. And besides, she was FOUR! She'd be nearly five by the time she came home, speaking fluent Mandarin and not a word of English! And her eyes, what exactly was the problem with her eyes? She had a white spot on one of her corneas. They said she could see, but how well? Would she be nearly blind?

This was big. Too big, I was afraid.

Still, she wouldn't let me go. I did talk to Tom about it that night. And the next day, and the next night. For five days. We talked. We prayed. We thought. We worried. We wondered.

I already knew I was falling in love with her. She needed us. But more than that, I knew I needed her. I was just waiting for Tom to decide if he was willing to do this again.

He was. Late one night, after five agonizing days, he told me, "Call CWA in the morning and tell them we want her." My heart leaped for joy!

The following morning fear gripped my heart. My husband had said yes and now I was frozen with fear. What were we doing? "Oh, God, please tell me what to do!"

What He said to me that day was as clear as any spoken word I've ever heard. He said, "I won't take you anywhere that I won't be right beside you the whole way." Shaking, I picked up the phone and called CWA.

"We want to adopt Fu Long Zhu. Please take her off the list"

I hung up the phone, still shaking. Abby handed me something. It was the calendar that sat by my bed. The scripture verse for that day was from a Bible paraphrase called The Message. We cried as we read it together:

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matthew 6:24

Updated photo we received during our nine month wait

What a journey it was. God did help us deal with the hard things as they came. And come they did. SARS came, in all its ugliness, and I almost despaired at times that we might not ever meet our daughter. But God was with us and with her. He was there as her fifth birthday came and went, a day I so badly wanted to spend with her. He helped me deal with my incredible fear of flying, a fear so great that I didn't make the trip to China to adopt Lacy. He was there the night Holly cried in anguish as the caregivers left her with us. Miraculously, He calmed her as I prayed, "Lord, please give this little girl the peace that only you can give."

Holly with us in Guangzhou, still quite timid

The things we thought might be really hard haven't been. Holly can see very well, and her prognosis for good vision all her life is excellent. She adjusted to her new life better than we could have dared to hope. She loves all of us as much as we adore her. And the little girl with the soulful, solemn expression now wears a perpetual grin.

Adopting Holly has been the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I have ever done. (And nineteen months after we came home with Holly, we were back in China, preparing to bring home a baby once again!) God's promises are always true. He hasn't taken us anywhere that He hasn't been right beside us the whole way.

Thank you Lord, for the gift of this delightful child.

Love,
Laura Lee

Dressed for the Occasion

Soup just tastes better in my pink bandana headpiece and gold beads.

I always read my books in full bridal attire.

I cut and paste in a veil, too.

A princess never knows when her prince may appear.


She may meet him in her dreams...


...so she must be dressed for the occasion!

I've Failed as a Mother!

Somehow, the youngest of my six children has arrived at the ripe old age of four having never dunked a cookie in milk! Now before you go and call DSS, I'm happy to tell you that the situation has been completely rectified.

Just how this travesty of justice occurred I can not say. But I discovered it a while ago as I was stealthily dunking my own cookie in milk. Maggie saw me and asserted, "Mommy! You're not 'posed to do that! You don't dip your cookies in milk!" When I assured her that, yes, in fact you do, she just giggled and giggled!

"You DO? Can I do that?"

"Why, yes, my princess, you most certainly may!"

So, she did....again, and again, and again!


And the princess lived happily ever after....

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

Bao and Shen

Every year, during this week in August, we have so much to be thankful for. All three of our youngest girls have adoption related anniversaries in August-- two "gotcha" days, a "yes, we want to adopt her" day, and a birthday!

While thinking of our girls and their adoption stories, I am reminded of one of my favorite adoption stories ever. This is the story of Bao and Shen. They are the sons of friends we met through our agency's adoption email list. Todd, a pastor, and Henriann live with their family in Texas. Henriann and I became email buddies as we chased paper, sought approvals, and waited out SARS, some days wondering if we would ever even get to meet the precious children we knew were waiting for us.

By God's grace, we did eventually make it through that horrible SARS wait and travel to China in the same group to get our children, Holly and Bao. Bao is without a doubt the smartest little boy I think I've ever met. And from what you will read, he is also an extremely determined little boy. I will let Henriann tell their story herself. I have her permission to post this letter she sent her family and friends a couple years ago. My hope is that their story will bless your heart as it has mine.

There are friends who pretend to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Prov.18:24 Oh, what a story I have to tell of God's faithfulness! I have been waiting and waiting to share this news with all of you. I hope it encourages you wherever you are on your adoption journey! In August 2003 our family brought home a beautiful little five year old boy named Bao from Shenzhen, China. (We have two bio daughters, Melanie (12) and Cina (10)). Bao is a precious child and he has truly blessed our
family. As soon as he could speak English, he began talking about his best friend in China, Shen Bao Long. We had seen this child in Shenzhen and even taken his picture to have for Bao. Bao began to ask if we could bring Shen Bao Long to our house. Bao has a trundle bed and he was always pointing out that Shen Bao Long could sleep in the extra bed. He saved clothes, toys and candy for him. Every time he talked about him, I had an ache in my heart. Bao missed his best friend so much! In November, some dear friends received a baby referral from Shenzhen. I was thrilled! We translated a letter from Bao to Shen Bao Long and sent him a gift. Our friends actually met SBL, and took a video of him opening Bao's gift. I cannot tell you how many times Bao watched that video. We all fell in love with that sweet boy on our TV screen.
	In December, I began looking for the family who must be adopting him. In August, the SWI [orphanage] had told us he was "paper-ready" and I assumed someone must have snatched him up. I thought it would be wonderful to get the boys together again. I emailed different lists looking for him, but no luck. In January, I emailed my adoption agency and told her our story. She offered to talk to their contact in China, who was leaving for Beijing shortly. Within days, we heard from her. The CCAA [China Center for Adoption Affairs] had just received Shen Bao Long's file!
I don't know exactly how it all happened, but I love the mental picture of our adoption agency’s representative standing in the CCAA, surrounded by thousands of Chinese children's files and holding up Shen Bao Long's file and saying "I have got to have this one"! I believe God used her in such a powerful way. Everyone in the "China adoption community" says it's impossible to pre-identify a child. Let me tell you - "ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE" (Mark 9:23). The CCAA was still "processing" his file, so although Shen Bao Long's name appeared on Christian World Adoption's latest Special Needs listing, the file wasn't ready. Also, the question of who was going to adopt him was biggest in my mind. Of course I wanted him, but my husband was very sure that there was no way we could do it - financially we were drained from Bao's adoption and surgery. I considered my sister as a possibility, but it wasn’t the right time for her. Then some very dear friends expressed an interest. They watched the video, looked at his pictures, and read all my books on older child adoption. This went on for about six weeks. They were so interested that at one point I think I emailed our adoption agency and told her I was almost certain that they would adopt him. I was excited about the possibility of the two boys being the same town, but sad that we weren't taking him. Still his paperwork sat in the CCAA. I could go on and on about various things that happened, but I'll try to keep this short. At the end of March, I was pretty low. Our friends had decided not to adopt Shen Bao Long. I was sure God wanted us to have him, but had no idea how we could do it. Todd was still unsure and there is nothing worse than not being on the same page as your husband. My travel mates from Bao’s adoption were a constant source of encouragement. They prayed for our family to make the right decision and sent me so many encouraging emails. One Friday night, I prayed very hard for confirmation that this was indeed the path God wanted us to take. The next day, Todd went to get the mail. There was a letter and an EXTREMELY generous check from my dad. This was amazing for several reasons. My dad didn't even know we were considering adoption, he hardly ever gives us money except for at Christmas, plus he mailed it after the mail pick-up time on Friday night! I sat at the table and bawled! Todd was choked up and said "Will you stop praying so hard!" but agreed that this was the sign he had been waiting for! I emailed our adoption agency on Monday with the news that we were going to adopt SBL as soon as the CCAA released his paperwork! She emailed me on Tuesday that guess what - on Monday, in China, the CCAA released his paperwork! Glory! So, we start this wonderful process again and hope to bring Shen Bao Long home to his brother by Christmas. We will call him Shen, which means "Spiritual Thinker." Bao was so excited when we told him! He wanted to go buy the bunk beds that day! He said, "Mom, did you know Shen Bao Long is my best friend?" Yes, Bao, we know! And my sweet, wonderful daughters are so excited about their new brother! Thank you, Lord! I think back of standing over Shen Bao Long's bed (he was napping) last August and taking his picture. How God must have secretly smiled that I was taking a picture of my son and didn't know it! It so reminds of the verse in Ephesians 3:20 - "To Him who is able to do exceedingly more than WE ASK OR THINK". I could have never imagined that we would be doubly blessed!! We can't wait to bring him home! Thanks for letting me share my story! Glory to God! Love to all, Henriann, Todd, Melanie, Cina, Bao, and now Shen waiting in Shenzhen Best friends, now brothers, at home in Texas